My home? By Little White Face

“If you think that you are so great, don't come home! And don't bring anything along, not even your underwear that you are wearing!.”

“If u still dare to argue with me, I will beat you till you stop!”

“the only way to teach him is to punish him! If he strike, I will beat him! How bad will he be if I beat  him and I’ll beat him till he learn something!”

“it is all  because of  you ! I told you to punish him, over and over again but you still refuse to do it , why won’t you listen to what I said!”

“Do not think that I won’t punish you, even you only want to help your brother! If this happen again I will beat you together with him.”

When did all of this happen? If I still remember, the person that shares the most with my dad is my brother. Mom and dad will never argue for unnecessary things.

During my younger time, when my dad was a postgraduate in china, he would only come back once a year and each time will be just a short time and some time he would only return after 3 years. The memorable thing of my dad is his comfortable huge. But his hand is not as tough as it used to be and his belly is getting bigger and bigger but all of it I cannot be compared with the distance of our heart.

About half a year ago, when ever dad saw brother playing game, he will take out his favorite cane and start to hit his delicate skin. Every time brother will always challenge him and every time mom will cry and beg dad not to, but he will get bruises every inch of his body and some time its bleed. If I am not mistaken my mom and dad only quarrel once in my childhood, but than the argument wasn’t that serious but yet she will cry. How can she bear the burden of dad blaming her for the child behavior? All of this had been going on for half a year……

What can I do? Every night, I will hear dad’s talking with anger, brother yelling about his right and the sound of mom crying while begging them to stop. All I can do is to pretend that it never happened and I continue to sleep through out the night. There is no one to blame that for all that happened, as every body have the same loved for the family. Just that every one have their duty and own situation. I hope I could save my brother from this war. How many times can I save him? No matter what he still have to go home and face it but he will always get angry, he will get even angrier the next time….

It had been months since the last punishment.  Just that dad and brother haven say a word about it and the only connection that were made in the past half a year is when they are fighting for their right. My parent relationship was never like before, where they can talk to each other from day to night. Now when ever mom tries to talk to dad he would just ignore her.

Of course, brother is still addicted to his computer game and dad will still show that he don't really care about any thing. Mom’s saddle is getting heavier and heavier, she also need to worry about my study, my younger brother start to have interest in computer game and my brother always nagging her for money to style his hair, skin care and play game in cybercafé, he don't even bother about his coming PMR exam. He could spend time on his computer game until 4.00am during the test, and many times he is almost been expel by the school. When ever she tries to discuss with dad, he will say:”I told you from the beginning that people like him could only be taught by punishment only. If u doesn’t want to do it I would just have to do it for you.”I wonder how she feels when all of these words repeat to her ears over and over again. As she know that punishing him wont do him any good, at the same time she will feel sorry when she see her child is cover with bruises ; she even feel depress when she know the stubborn father wont change his mind, no matter how much she say.

What different does this have with domestic violent? It does less pain on the body, but the damage to the mind is huge. Come to think about him domestic violent, at least we still have the communication between us.

What can I do?

Who can help me?

Pleas listen to me !! by Firefly

When was the last time you sat and listen to your love one?
This is the question that emerges from my heart. When I was sitting by the window on the bas, looking out and saw people buzzing a out side the performing center.
When was it? You quietly sitting and totally focus on what your Father, Mother, Kids, Husband, Wife, Friends or your love one said to you? Hear what they try to say carefully , never interrupt them and wont make your own conclusions before they even finish saying what they intended to say. When was it?
Every person would had the wish of people hearing what they said, regardless of there age. Isn’t it? Comprehension that was praise by teachers in school or got the first in the international competition, hoping to share it with my mother; kid broke his leg and cant walk, must be admitted to the hospital immediately, hope to tell my husband immediately; Curse by a unreasonable customer, want to tell my girlfriend about how bad does it field; The new show < Cloudy with a chance of Meatball> it was fibulas, want to share with my friends about the exiting scene. Happy, sad, excited, angry, ideals, aspirations, all this are things that the close one would want you to listen, share and discourse about. How much attention that you had put in to throwly understand what they try to express?
Every day we have to spend a lot of time in solving various small and big things. Therefore, “I am busy, talk to you later”, “I am rushing the important report, for tomorrow please don't bother me”, “I am tired, tell me tomorrow”, is perhaps the most effective way to reject some one that try to talk to your. But had we ever seen the look on the face, of the people that was rejected by us again and again, the long and sad face? This might been slip throw because of our busyness or tiredness!
Willing to listen to people around you, especially your loved one, is the greatest support and encouragement that you can give them. There is a Chinese saying , if u don't light a light up it won’t be bright, if you don't say how can they understand. Regardless of you relation, only when listen more and say less, only you could truly give a person guidance or recommendations, and truly enter a person world.
In one of the training camp, there was a 14-year-old boy, with a pair of glasses, not tall, but agile. "You want me to do this, I chosen not to do, what you going to do about it?” “What would you think about children, that say such a thing? He is a person that we always talk about as he got 2 red card in the first day of the camp. (Note: For each foul that you committed you would be given a red card, when u have 3 you would have to leave the camp) “Than what you wants to do? Say it! If your reason is relevant and your group member approves it, you are allow to do it”. He didn't really believe what he heard just now, but after a while he starts to say out all the thing that he found it irrelevant to him. Then, the mentor and his team raised against him ideas and requirements, and with him to discuss and analyze its rationality. Of course he put forward some reasonable requirement. Such as: permitting him to have a extra serving of chicken, only when every one had got there share. The result is base on the discussion with every one, because it’s decided by every one throw discussion so he gladly accepted it. He successfully completed the training cause.
Some time I often hear parents complain, “My child is very in obedient”, “my child start to lie to me”. Actually what is the real cause of the problem? Is the kid that bead from the beginning? Mom and dad need to learn how to slow down, when answer to there child. Thoroughly listen and understand every word that there child said to them, let them have the right to make there decision. Never use your own pass experience to deside for your child and worry about you him get hurt and plan every thing well for him. Every child have there own ability to grow up, they also hope that people appreciate the physical, social-emotional, intellectual and spiritual, all been taken care of. Also hope to be treated as a “complete person”. Mom and dad will certainly work very hard to meat there child demand. The way a child accept kindness, and love is not only for thing that meat the eye.
A child lying, the most properly answer is, because they think the adult won’t get angry if they do so. We as adult should be psychologically prepared, to hear not only a children happy thing but also the unhappy once and accept the real him. When the child is still young, he still cant distinction between their own will and authority of there request, so most of it might just baste on there own great. Imagine when a child told u the truth and you went furriest. Than do you still think they will say the truth? Unwilling to listen to real things that sounds bad, will cause the cause the child to tell lies, as it will make us happy. Than aunt we the one who allow them to have such a habits? If you don't wish your kids to lie to you, don't create a excuse for them to lie. Even they had told a lie, parent don't need to get mad, just let them know adult don't like to hear beautiful words that are lies, but word that are the true.
I remember in another training camp, there is a 17-year-old tall and thin, a lovely girl. She always gloomy looking, she is very perfunctory in the participation in activities, what she would do in discussion is mostly jus listen to others; when every one laugh happily, she would only smile. Until the 4th day night, after taking part in a whole day of activity, including a roll playing activity. She was the mother, she had to prepare food for the whole family. Under the starry night, the whole group member sat together to talk. The topic was my family and member. When its her turn he face his head on the ground and said “my mom and dad had just divorce”, than tears was dripping out from her bit by bit. “I don't know what to do? They quarrel every day and even fight. I am very scared” “why did they did such a thing?” “how would me and my brother and sister will be?” . Seeing this sad girl, my heart felt sorrow. How long had she keep all this words in her heart? Don't know how much pressure had she took at a young age like this. Just cry! You are safe here. All the group member try to calm her down and some even cry with her! That night she until very tired, just cry ! Although we can not help her solve her parent marriage problem, she still have to face the problem, but she know there Is a bunch of people that is willing to listen to her and help her during the most vulnerable time in life. Of course after the camp, we still have keep a frequent contact with her and her family. The understanding and communication between children and parents is very important.
If u really love the people around you, leave some time for them to listen to them. Let them know that you love, care and concern about them. The main reason why human and human could field warm, is because his privacy could be keep and hear by the one they trust.
Don’t forget, apart from being a talker, we should remember to become a listener.

For My Beloved Key by Fish

You said that you are the key to open the atrium of others and wish everyone around you to be happy. I had never doubted it.

But, are the two hearts that you want to open-up badly; are they still under the lock? Or they have been open already, just that they are not ready for the first step.

You and I had met for 8 month. It has been 8 month, although is only 8 month. A lot of thing happened within this period of time, but the words that come into my ear constantly tickle me….

“Tuition? Yes, I will attend”

“Complete a single PMR trial paper a day? Yes, I will do it”

“Revise more? Yes, I will”

“Take care of siblings? Ok, no problem”

“…………………….”

I am the President. I must attend this meeting, can I? “No, the examination is more important."

"This performance is a group activity. I must be with the team during this time so that it could be perfect. Therefore I must adjust my tuition classes, could I?” “No, the examination is more important."

“Wow, the show was a success. Can I attend the celebration party? Every one had work so hard to make this a success.” “No, the examination is more important."

From Discovery to Explore, within this 8 month, I saw the continues effort that you put in to uphold your responsibilities. Did the two hearts of yours see this? May be they have seen it. Had they affirmed you? Of course, no objection is a way to express their support. Why can’t they fulfill your request? If you didn’t get a proper result for the test, what can u do in the future? (I imagine their reply)

For the incoming infinite years, I might not able to contact you frequently like before. I won’t be able to hear your current situation in first hand. If you care about the person, maintain it and be like who you were in the past 8 months. Would you continue to grow and shine? Lost a special support from Hoyeh-sheyo. Would you still be the ‘happy key’? They’ll be missing an importance journey in your life, the graduation ceremony. Don't know how long you need to get over this. You do understand it, that’s why your conscious tells you that: never mind they are busy, they actually wanted to attend. Unfortunately, the desire in your heart: If any one of you can attend, it will be wonderful, right? May be you want to give me a surprise, suddenly appear at the ceremony in front of my eye, ha-ha.

Unfortunately both of them did not attend. They miss the chance to see how much you had improved since Explore first presentation until now. The maturity, leader ship ……they lost all the opportunity to show their love and support. They also lost the chance to witness their daughter’s performed confidently on stage, to realize the leader ship skill within and lost the final chance to truly understand what is really happening within the months. When every parent came forward to give their child a hug, I saw you hiding at the corner tearing, I went forward and say: “Come my dear pity child, come give mum a hug”. I could feel the sudden cries when you in my arm.

I couldn’t replace the warmth that they would give you, but if they were there that day definitely you will walk to them ….. Mom and dad, a heart-fat smile, a proud expression and the most trans mating recognition and support throw the hug. If it had happened would it be the stop to all the sorrow?

“Mother, I’m not angry at you, but I want to thank you for allowing me to complete this Explore”

"Dad, I can’t believe you really came, I know you really care about me."

Is this the lines that you had prepared if this situation happened? But when will it be a time where you might have this chance?

The Child That Touch Me......by Alex

I am a father that reframes my child from taking part in extra-curricular activities. I had never believe in any TRAINING, as I grown and own a tremendous job ,not because I went to a cause or some thing. But a graduation ceremony, made a major adjustment to my opinion to life.


Do the children standing on the platform aren’t mine, but when the graduation certificates are handed to them, I started to tears, as I had witness his growth within the 5 month.

Last time he wont even dare look at my eye’s ,when I talk to him. What ever that I ask him, he will replay ironically. Every time when I ask him why did u take part in TRAINING? He will replay “my mom force me to”. When ever I had meal with him, I would always find him fighting for the biggest serving of meat. Most of the time he would be hiding in his room serving the internet, only during tuition , dinner and TV show he would pause on it. He’s like a primary school kid. The parent send there kid to a private school, as they fear that he would be bullied by others because of his eccentric personality. Even if it's a huge bur dent in doing so. I felled that is a waste of money to send him to so many TRAINING, as he did not change a bit after all that. His Mather which is my best friends , since the day he was born had worry him ever since. She always ask me, is there a way to save him? I am embarrassed to say that, “Because you had a wrong marriage”. I had never really had a proper thought about her problem.

Is there a education system that could help him? I just secretly glad that it was not my child, really.

I recall once, when the kid call and invite me to on of there activity, I was wondering where did he fid the initiative to call me (in his heart I should be a bad uncle that always laugh at his mistake). He said it was a performance that he take part and it’s quit expensive. I still remember that I said this to him in that conversation “ pay more attention in your study’s, dancing and singing wont bring you any good. He replay “this is very different , the performance is to help people that need help”. Without hesitations I said “help others! The person u should help first is your self” and he kept silent. Than the line was cut. In my heart I think, such a unmannered child he is. But than his mother visit me in person, told me that me that I must attend the performance, until she had the intention to help me out in the ticket money. A friend that I had know for two decades, not that I mine the price of the ticket. Just that I really don't know what I would expect to see , its on a Friday evening and it's a located at a very congested place. But I still bought two ticket and I told her that this is for her.

On the performance day, my wife was required to stay back for over time. So, I brought 13-year-old daughter, along the was it was raining and jam, many time I wanted go home. Eventually I arrive, but was 15 minutes late. At the performance hall, there are some simple snacks, photos and videos. That I am not interested. After my daughter had help her self with the snack we only went in. what I want to say is not level of the performance and performer, but he was on the stage, my friend’s son. He even has its own solo, dialogue and dance move that seems impossible. He is performing live in front of my eyes, although the show was long, I watch it till the end. good story, music and great actor. I really could not believe my eyes. On the way home, my wife gave me multiple phone call asking why am I so late and why didn’t I pick up. I did not replay, as I was thinking the owe, to my eldest daughter that is seating at the back seat.

Last week, I receive a call from the boy again, he said “ uncle , I invite you to see my graduation” I ask him “graduation, what so interesting about it?” he replay “ this time is not the same, this graduation is single – handedly planned and there are performance , speech……….” Before he even finish “ uncle, is driving, very busy” he replay “ can not, this graduation is only for people that is invited, if u are not free than I wont write your name” after hearing what he said I was angry “ask you mom to talk to me, why do you have to ask me go watch your performance at my busiest time, why are u still so selfish? I don't have to attend your graduation to know what had u learn, as I had already know u learn nothing, faster go get your mother to talk to me”. He replay softly with fear “ my mother does not know I call you, she is not at home and bye bye”. He hastened to cover the phone, just like some one had just terror him. my heart beat fast. I know I had said some thing wrong.

Two days later, I called the child's mother, told her that I and my wife want to participate in the child's graduation ceremony. She was shocked, but I did not say anything. The next time I meat she was at SIME DARBY, the graduation ceremony.

About 100 attended, all had weakness the performance. They are called EXPLORES, the layout the venue, they put all there Training results in the folder to note every one. They dress up formerly, like the kind of gentleman and a sophisticated white-collar workers like garments, to express there own opinion. On stage, they talk bravely and confidently. In the middle they put in video and song that they made them self. I was moved, apart for thoust that are on stage, and of cause the child that invited me whom I scolded twice, still dare to call me. I took a look at my wife and daughter, I had the compulsion to cling on to them. Wanted them to take part in such cause, at the same time don't know what to say to them.

After they gave out the certificate, I went up the stage and shake the child hand. My children and my wife found tear on my eye, they did not ask me why. The word that I said to the child flash throw my mine.

To help others? You should help yourself first!

This sentence should be used on me, thank you, sorry.